Solitude

Written by Jenkin Au
Edited by Jenkin Au
Photography by Jenkin Au

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In solitude, your mind can play many tricks on you and your mental state. Being alone for too long causes you to become accustomed to the solitude, teetering on the brink of a mental illness. When interaction with people comes into play, you nitpick at the smallest of details because those small details have changed your original status quo, shattering your comfort levels that have manifested itself from the deep crevices of your mind. Ideas then fester in your mind, growing at exponential rates, driving you closer towards mental illness.

People mistake solitude for those who are at the bottom of the chain, the bottom dwellers, or the loners. In fact, solitude strikes even the greatest of minds and the most popular of people, corrupting and corroding ingenuity. Solitude is another form of writers block, impeding on the very fundamentals of creating something great – the idea itself. You become consumed with how solitary you are and you long to fix your situation by reaching out to people, even the friends you have sworn to cast aside. Your eyes flutter and your heart beats nervously as you approach your long-ago companion. You swallow any ounce of pride you used to have to rectify your situation and save yourself the embarrassment of your position. You calm yourself with reassuring words and you play your motivational music in your mind – all only to lead to a failed attempt. Your nervousness shows and you instantly become bad company and you react to their reaction.

Solitude has crafted you into a completely different person. You ask yourself, “How did I get here like this?” Unfortunately, you cannot figure it out, but how you got there is not important at all. You need to get out of this solitude, whether self inflicted or pushed upon you. There are people who miss your creativity, who miss you as a person, and miss your company.

The solitude eroding away at your soul is not something that suits your personality. As difficult as it seems, an exit is present. Just like how solitude came when you weren’t expecting it, an exit will too present itself at the right time.

But why is the exit so difficult to find? Is it because your mind is still playing tricks on you, convincing you that this is the situation that you wish to be in? No, it is because of the dominance of an idea. Once an idea is planted in your mind, it is all you can think about. Artists of all varieties face the problem of being too homogenous with their content – this is because the dominance of their particular style stays with them and is all they can think about, comfortably. The dominance of that particular idea lingers in your mind, inhibiting you from expanding and thinking outside of the box. The only solution is to seek outside things – interactions and activities that will cause you to think differently and of different ideas and theories. The difficult part is that you are still in the frame of mind that you wish to stay in isolation – it’s a vicious cycle that only you and your will power can break free from.

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